It’s been a few weeks since my last post. It was around the anniversary of when I attended my first AA meeting, when I realized I needed help and took my early steps in sobriety. I said my next post would be about what life is like today.
I meant to write this sooner. But life, as it tends to do, had other plans.
Business has been busy. After a slow start to the new year, it picked up with a vengeance. My days are now full. Good full, but full. The kind where you look up and realize days have gone by and you’ve been moving from one thing to the next without much space in between.
And honestly, that right there is part of what life looks like today.
It’s Not Perfect
If I had to sum it up simply, life today is not perfect.
It’s not constant peace. It’s not some enlightened state where nothing bothers me and I float through the day untouched.
I still get overwhelmed.
A couple of weeks ago, I sat down to do meal planning with Meg and Charlie and realized I was overdrawn. Not by a lot, and I knew money was coming in, but it hit me sideways. My mind froze.
I snapped. Got short. Made something that should have been simple feel heavy.
What Happens Next Matters More
What’s different today is what happened next.
I didn’t spiral or make it worse. I caught it. Maybe not in the moment, but not long after.
I got back to what was in front of me, and later I apologized. Not a big production, just owning that I was off.
That might not sound like much. But if you knew me years ago, you’d know that’s everything.
Life today is less about never getting knocked off centre and more about how quickly I come back.
The Ways I Still Distract Myself
When I get off centre, I still find ways of escaping. They just look different now, as it’s not substances.
Work. It’s almost always some form of work. Whether paid or volunteer. My escape is to bury myself in work. Or lately, losing an hour, sometimes more, getting pulled into politics.
I actually wrote about this before when I caught myself slipping into what I called a socially acceptable addiction, getting lost in the noise while telling myself I was just “staying informed.” If you’re curious, you can read that here: Socially Acceptable Addiction
The difference now is I see it. And I catch myself sooner.
And since writing that post, more often than not, I step away instead of getting lost in it.
Back in the Rooms of AA
I’ve also found myself back in the rooms of AA, which I haven’t been in for a while.
Not because I feel like I’m on the edge, my political scrolling hasn’t made my life unmanageable… yet. But because I wanted to share my healing journey with other men. I went back to my old home group and saw some familiar faces. Guys with a few days, a few months, and a few decades.
I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in years. We got talking, and I shared how my healing journey had taken a different path, but was still rooted in sobriety. I also said I was coming back partly to show that long-term sobriety, even with breaks from meeting attendance, is possible.
He did not like that at all.
He told me I should be focused on protecting my own sobriety. That he still goes to meetings every day because if he doesn’t, he knows where it leads. He’s seen too many guys with years stop going to meetings and shortly after start drinking again.
He’s not wrong. But neither am I.
I am living proof that if one’s sobriety is solid, then stepping away from meetings for a time to live life can work.
That’s another thing about life today. I don’t need everyone to agree with me to be okay with where I stand.
I Don’t Fight Life the Same Way
What’s changed most isn’t that life got easier.
It’s that I don’t fight it the same way anymore.
I don’t expect to feel good all the time. I don’t expect things to go smoothly. And I don’t see tough moments as signs that something is wrong.
They’re just part of life.
Connection Over Isolation
Connection matters more now.
Whether it’s conversations after a meeting, work I’m doing with the Gatehouse, or writing here, there’s a thread running through all of it.
Not isolation. Not proving anything.
Just showing up.
What I Thought vs What I Learned
If I think back to when this journey started, I thought my goal was to feel better all the time. To get to a place where the noise stopped, where life felt manageable, predictable, safe.
That’s not what happened.
What happened is I learned how to live when it isn’t.
So What Is Life Like Today?
It’s full. Sometimes messy. Sometimes overwhelming.
But also honest. Grounded. Connected.
And real in a way I wouldn’t trade.
It’s not perfect.
It’s not finished.
But it’s mine.
And today, that’s enough.
