Some men apologize so often they don’t even hear the word leaving their mouths anymore. “Sorry” slips into every corner of daily life. Bumping into someone. Taking up space. Asking a question. Needing a minute. Moving too slow. Moving too fast. Simply existing. For a lot of men, “sorry” becomes the background noise of adulthood.
I know this because I lived it. And not in a small way.
Years ago, I was walking my dogs past a house in the neighbourhood. As we strolled by, their dog started barking his head off at mine. Without thinking, I blurted out, “Sorry!” The guy standing on the porch looked at me like I had just apologized for the weather, gravity, and the invention of dog vocal cords all at once. Understandably so. His dog barked at my dogs, and somehow I apologized for it. That was the moment I realized the reflex was wired into my DNA.
And that’s the thing. “Sorry” becomes the default for men carrying old shame, old guilt, or the belief that they shouldn’t take up too much room in the world. It becomes a reflex instead of a response.
But here’s the truth.
Most of the time, you’re not actually sorry.
You’re unsure.
Or you’re trying to soften yourself.
Or you’re trying not to disappoint anyone.
Or you’re trying to stay safe.
Or you’re trying to prove you aren’t a problem.
That’s not an apology. That’s self-protection. And while self-protection has its place, using it every ten minutes chips away at you over time. It lowers your posture, your presence, and your sense of worth. You can’t rebuild from the inside out when you’re constantly shrinking.
Inside out healing means noticing the small habits that keep you small, and “sorry” sits near the top of that list.
The good news is that the alternative is simple, practical, and surprisingly effective. You shift from apology to appreciation.
Instead of “Sorry I’m late,” try “Thank you for waiting for me.”
Instead of “Sorry for the delay,” try “Thank you for your patience.”
Instead of “Sorry, I didn’t get to that yet,” try “I appreciate your understanding.”
Instead of “Sorry for asking,” try “Thanks for taking a moment to explain this.”
Instead of “Sorry,” try “I’m here.” or “Let’s continue.”
Or in the case of my dogs barking, instead of “Sorry” I could have said “And hello to you to neighbour dog!” or something along those lines.
Gratitude acknowledges the situation without placing you beneath it. It meets the moment with steadiness instead of self-erasure. And when you speak this way, your body feels different. You stand straighter. You breathe easier. You stop handing away your dignity in tiny pieces.
This shift may feel awkward at first. Almost every meaningful change does. But the moment you replace one unnecessary apology with appreciation, you feel the difference immediately. It reinforces that your presence is not a burden. You don’t need to apologize for taking up space in a conversation or on a sidewalk or in your own life.
That’s inside out rebuilding in real time. The internal voice becomes steadier, and the outside world responds to that steadiness. People hear you more clearly. You hear yourself more clearly. Bit by bit, the reflex loosens its grip.
Reflection
• Where do I apologize automatically?
• Which version of “thank you…” feels natural to me?
• What happens in my body when I choose appreciation instead of apology?
Small Action
Replace one unnecessary “sorry” today with a “thank you…”
Not all of them. Just one. That’s enough to start shifting the wiring.